Mild-mannered Jeremy Shafer is an origamist, known most for his whimsical, humorous models. But few know that he is actually...
CRUMPLE MAAAAAAN, defender of paper, folding, and the purist way!
In Shafer's study
Hmm...it seems I need to add an extra pleat here...
Just then
Help me, Crumple Man! My collapse won't work!
Back at the study
What's that? An origamist is in trouble! This is a job for...
*dashes into closet and comes out several seconds later in a paper costume*
CRUMPLE MAN! Fold, fold, and awaaaay!
With his super creasing ability, Crumple Man valley-folds space-time and travels across the globe at super speed!
Citizen 1: Look! Up in the sky! It's a bird!
Citizen 2: It's a crane!
Citizen 3: No, it's Crumple Man!
Crumple Man arrives at the home of the distressed origamist.
CM: Never fear, good origamist! Crumple Man is here!
--HAHAHAHA! I've got you now, Crumple Man!
CM: Gasp! It's none other than my arch nemesis, Dr. Scissors!
Gasp! It's none other than Crumple Man's arch nemesis, Dr. Scissors!
DS: Yes, indeed, Crumple Man! You fell right into my trap. I knew you'd come if you thought some origamist needed you. Now, let me go on a long, self-congratulating speech about my great plan.
CM: You cannot win, Dr. Scissors. I have the power of purist on my side!
DS: Oh, but I've already won, Crumple Man! Just look out that window. Do you see that paper mill? I have placed bombs on the conveniently-located nearby dam. Unless you concede to my demands, I will set off the bombs, breaching the dam, flooding the mill, and ruining all the paper! That paper will be so soggy, not even the most determined wetfolder would want to touch it!
CM: Y-you fiend!
DS: However, if you concede to my demands, I will disarm the bombs and allow the paper mill to go unharmed.
Crumple Man faces a dire dilemma, indeed! Will this protector of paper, this paragon of purism, submit to Dr. Scissors' demands?
CM: And what are your demands, Dr. Scissors?
DS: Leave, Crumple Man. Leave and never return. I will become the leader of origamists, and paper shall be cut as much as needed!
CM: I--I see no choice. I must leave.
DS: I knew you would see reason, Crumple Man. I knew I would get you eventually! After all, scissors always beats paper! *Maniacal cackle*
But wait--Crumple Man has something up his folded paper sleeve! While Dr. Scissors enjoys his victorious maniacal cackle, Crumple Man reverse-folds Dr. Scissors' remote detonator straight from Dr. Scissors' hand, and into his own!
CM: Who's laughing now, Scissors?
DS: NO! That shouldn't have happened! It was a rock-solid plan!
CM: Scissors may beat paper, Dr. Scissors. But paper beats rock!
And so, after a quick battle that doesn't really need to be described here, Dr. Scissors is vanquished, and origamists around the globe are once again safe to fold freely.
DS: I'll get you next time, Crumple Man!
-------------------
On the next episode of Crumple Man:
CM: Th-the destructive capabilities of the giant paper shredder are too great! I must call on the rest of the Origami League! Mr. Mountain! Valley Girl! Petalette! Come to my aid!
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Author's Comments
This is, without a doubt, the strangest thing I have ever written. EVER. I wrote this back in May of this year, desperate for some form of procrastination before studying for finals. I posted it on an origami forum I've been to a few times, and now I had a sudden urge to bring it, kicking and screaming, into the light of DA.
...The pun works if you pronounce DA as "day." Which I don't, usually. This is a product of--well, what I like to think of as my mind. For some reason, I decided to do a parody of cliche superhero comics, a la Justice Friends from Dexter's Lab. Hence the disjointedness, cheesy dialogue, and godawful puns. (I have to say, I was quite proud of the rock-paper-scissors joke, and the name "Valley Girl.") I chose Jeremy Shafer for the main character because his book was what got me started folding. You can find his website here: [link] And no, I have no intention of doing another one of these, despite the "next time..." thing. This was probably a one-time step into this corner of the bizarre for me. EDIT 9/7/08: Changed a few things in the story that needed fixing. |
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Comments
Crumple Man... Hahaha.
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"It hurts to love someone and not be loved in return, but what is the most painful is to love someone and never find the courage to let the person know how you feel." - Unknown
*randomly 'ships Crumple Man and Valley Girl*
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*Ginz
He holds me when I start to cry, Makes me smile with just his eyes,
Shares my hopes, dreams and fears, Whipes aways all my tears,
I love him without regret, I just haven't found him yet.
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98% of people on DA claim they don't read signatures. Copy and paste this into your siggy if you're one of the people who read this to see what stupid made-up statistic it had.
First time my characters have been 'shipped, and I don't even know the alter ego of one of them. Oh, dear. But thanks for the fave!
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98% of people on DA claim they don't read signatures. Copy and paste this into your siggy if you're one of the people who read this to see what stupid made-up statistic it had.
......
*produces a row of hysterical snorts*
Awesome xD
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98% of people on DA claim they don't read signatures. Copy and paste this into your siggy if you're one of the people who read this to see what stupid made-up statistic it had.
It may be weird, but it's HILARIOUS.
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Starving doesn't make you an artist.
But it does make those colored pencils look pretty tasty...
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98% of people on DA claim they don't read signatures. Copy and paste this into your siggy if you're one of the people who read this to see what stupid made-up statistic it had.
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